Last night I saw the movie 50 First Dates for the first time. I had no idea Adam Sandler could make a movie so cute. 
His character Henry falls for a woman named Lucy who has short term memory loss due to a permanent brain injury. In the beginning, he has to keep arranging ways to meet her “for the first time” since she forgets the day’s events every night. Eventually he begins reminding her daily of who she is and who he is through a videotape that she watches first thing every morning. In case someone else hasn’t seen it yet, I’ll try not to spoil it for you. It’s a bit crude (duh), but really sweet.
Tonight I was reading The Singing God by Sam Storms, a book I picked up at Goodwill because the title seemed so apropos to someone who just got back from a worship conference. (I also snagged Morning by Morning by Charles Spurgeon. God is using both books mightily to shape me at the moment…isn’t He cool?!) I just finished a chapter about really feeling God’s love. Really experiencing it versus simply knowing it intellectually. I closed the book and lay back in the tub - talking out loud both to myself and to God. I was pondering how I am not sure I have ever really felt loved by God. Honestly, I’m not sure I feel loved much by anyone. Don’t get me wrong, I know I am loved. I have unshakeable confidence that my Mom loves me. After that, I’m pretty solid on my Dad. My best friend, my brother…yeah I’m pretty sure about them. Not always so sure about my husband - and I’m not knocking him. Honestly, I think the fault lies in my defects as a love receiver rather than any failings in the love giver. I have a hard time believing that most people even find me likable - let alone lovable. So pondering this out, very calmly, no tears or melodrama, I thought that this must be my problem with God. If I can’t believe humans love me, why would I believe God loves me?
But then I realized that I don’t have to believe God finds me lovable. When He first loved me, I was NOT lovable. Christ did not die for any of us because we were lovable. The Bible tells us very plainly that “while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us”. I know it may sound odd, but that actually made me feel a little better. It’s a lot easier to believe that God loves me because of who He is rather than because of who I am. 
And then it hit me. In a lot of ways, God loves me the way Harry loves Lucy in 50 First Dates. He sees me where I am - in my damaged state - and he loves me anyway. He pursues me. He wants to meet with me every morning. And sometimes I respond to him - and sometimes I push Him away. But eventually He starts developing a relationship with me. What’s in it for Him?? I’m frail. I’m limited. I’m living in flawed flesh that will never be completely changed on this earth. Yet He still loves me and wants a relationship with me. And every single day He communicates with me anew.
Yet, like Lucy, I am so forgetful. How many mornings do I wake up, forgetting who I am, forgetting what He has done for me and how far He has brought me? But graciously and gently, He reminds me, because He loves me. He doesn’t let me go. He doesn’t pack it in and go off to do something more fulfilling. And hopefully, over time, as He leads me and loves me, deep within me will awaken a yearning for Him. A longing for His presence that will not let me rest, even if I try to forget Him.
You know, in the beginning of Harry’s relationship with Lucy, he is the one to remind her every morning of who she is, who He is, and the details of their relationship. But as time goes on, she takes more responsibility on herself to keep her mind refreshed in reality. Every night she writes down what she wants to remember from that day, presumably she reads it the next morning after she’s been reminded of her brain injury by her daily video. I’m tempted to try and live like Lucy. Each day fresh as God reminds me who I am and who He is… But each day dwelling in the history of what He has done for me in all the yesterdays that came before. So I remember all the reasons I have to love Him and all the countless ways He’s shown me He loves me.