Many of you, my dear readers, have been with me during the past several weeks as I trudged gloomily through my own little valley of ADDitude issues. I’m happy to report that I’m feeling much better now, thank you!
But you know, life as an American is just not complete without a disorder of some sort. I just can’t imagine facing life without some sort of diagnostic label to hang around my neck! I did some thinking this weekend and I figured out exactly what diagnosis is just right for me. I am merely the latest sufferer from a very common disease.
Brace yourselves, cause this is serious. I’ve come to realize that ~gulp~
I have Always Thinking Of Myself disorder*.
To quote from Gigi Tchividjian’s A Woman’s Quest for Serenity:
Not only was I expecting too much and depending more on myself than on His strength, but I had fallen into the trap that Oswald Chambers refers to as morbid introspection.
I remember being so disturbed by my faults once that I began to keep a little journal. I thought putting them all on paper would perhaps help me recognize them and make me better able to deal with them. This little journal did reveal much, but not exactly what I expected. Oh, the individual faults were there - the selfishness, the temper, the unkind words, the impatience - but the things that stood out from all the rest were the words me, I, mine, my. I was preoccupied with myself: with my faults, with how bad I was, how selfish I was, how impatient with the children, how grumpy, and so forth.
As you can see from the above quote, A.T.O.M. disorder is followed quickly by I complications. And as you might expect, I complications have an adverse effect on vision. Problems look bigger. Grievances look huge. Personal beams seem tiny and others’ motes loom large. Worst of all, God’s power, provision, and presence seem so very, very small.
When a person is afflicted by A.T.O.M. disorder joined by I complications, the characteristic symptoms of self-absorption, petulance, chronic complaining and self-pity, defeatism and impatience will inevitably spiral into A.T.O.M.I.C. explosions. These destructive outbursts(also known as temper tantrums 
) can range from minor to major and potentially damage, not only the exploder, but anyone unfortunate enough to be in the blast radius!
James 4:1-2a What is the source of quarrels and conflicts among you? Is not the source your pleasures that wage war in your members? You lust and do not have; so you commit murder. You are envious and cannot obtain; so you fight and quarrel.
So what is the course of treatment for the myriad sufferers from this horrible disease? Let’s look again at the writing of Gigi Tchividjian…
When Paul looked at himself, he saw failures and strife, “Oh wretched man that I am,” he said. But when his eyes turned again to the Lord Jesus, he was able to speak of power, of deliverance, of victory. He closes chapter 8 with some of the most powerful verses in all of Scripture. He is able to proclaim with assurance, “…in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him that loved us” (Romans 8:37).
There is such thing as perfect forgetfulness of self. As George MacDonald said, “We remain such creeping Christians because we look at ourselves instead of Christ.” There is most certainly a place for self-examination, but never for morbid introspection. When we examine ourselves before the Lord and He reveals to us our faults, our sins, our shortcomings, it is never to discourage us, because He also says, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.” (1 John 1:9). When He forgives, He chooses to forget.
You know, the reason the Wicked Queen in Snow White was so wicked was because she spent so much time looking at the mirror, checking herself for beauty. The end result was her own destruction, after she became a hideous hag. I think I need to quit looking in the mirror before I turn into a witchy woman myself!
Psalm 119:37 Turn away my eyes from looking at vanity, and revive me in Your ways.
Psalm 119:71 It was good for me that I was afflicted, that I may learn Your statutes.
Hebrews 12:2a …fixing our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of faith
*For your information, A.T.O.M. is closely related to another disorder: A.D.A.M. or Appallingly Deluded About Myself Syndrome.
I think looking into the mirror is ok.
James 1:23-25
Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like a man who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But the man who looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues to do this, not forgetting what he has heard, but doing it–he will be blessed in what he does.
The A.T.O.M. syndrome takes hold when we are looking into the wrong mirror (e.g. the Wicked Queen)
The mirror of the Word is always gonna lead us to an accurate view of ourselves.
Wow! That sounded way too preachy-goodie-two-shoes-I’m-know-it-all.
I think I need to say something funny:
PLOOBLATT!!!~~~
Comment by Danny Kaye — May 16, 2006 @ 10:21 am
Ah but that’s just it… Looking in the mirror at myself = BAD. Especially if I keep on gazing a la Narcissus. (except I’m looking to find blemishes instead of beauty) Looking into the mirror of the Word = good. Especially as I am transformed unto His likeness.
A watched face ne’er transforms, eh?
Comment by blestwithsons — May 16, 2006 @ 11:04 am
By looking at Christ, we inevitably see the wickedness and selfishness in ourselves that needs to be sanctified (hense the post I wrote here: http://destinationgloryland.blogspot.com/2006/05/holiness-and-sanctification.html).
As we gaze at Perfection, our imperfection is magnified. It is then that we can move toward changing more and more into His likeness with His strength. He is ready and willing to help us. He’s just waiting for us to realize that we need to change.
Excellent post, Blest!
Comment by Heidi — May 16, 2006 @ 11:42 am
Very funny.
We like to joke that our kids have H.M.S. (High Maintenance Syndrome.)
HMS is part of the unpleasant, painful cure for ATOM. Then, we just have to make sure our little HMSes don’t get ATOM thereselves.
I’m thinking a lot of prayer and reading of God’s Word is needed here!
Comment by Elizabeth B — May 16, 2006 @ 12:49 pm
I am so glad that you are feeling better/experiencing some peace!
As a fellow-ATOM sufferer, I can relate. I think this is what I have heard referred to as “navel-gazing”. Unless it’s not, then forget I said it =)
Comment by lady laura — May 16, 2006 @ 2:14 pm
Yeah, I’m not much on mirrors. I do a lot better if I just keep my eyes on Christ. It’s also better if I don’t think about myself too seriously. I hold to the tennant that we tend to take ourselves way too seriously and don’t take God seriously enough.
Comment by Carol — May 16, 2006 @ 8:23 pm
Great day, boy have you got me thinking on this one. I do believe that you have hit the nail on the head so to speak, for my self anyways.
Awesome post, as usual. Thanks for getting the juices flowing so early! You certainly are good for that!
I missed you last week, hope you had a good visit!
Comment by Angie — May 17, 2006 @ 5:17 am
Ain’t it the truth, Blest. My sister’s theory on life, she was the baby of the family and it is typical of the baby, “Why shouldn’t anyone like me?” Mine always was, “Why should anyone like me?” Again…total concentratin on ME. Providentially I married a very socially adept man who would coach me before we entered social situations and help me think through my thoughts and behavior. The main thing he taught me was, nobody else is thinking about you because they are all fixated on themselves. So, having learned that, I became freed up to focus not on myself (ha, maybe in my dreams) but to begin to learn to love God with all my heart and my neighbor as myself.
Comment by Laurie — May 17, 2006 @ 8:03 am
Am I ATOM when I daydream about winning the lottery, even though I’ve never bought a lottery ticket in my life?
I actually do this from time to time - rather bizzare I suppose.
I think that moments of extreme ATOM are driven often by personality, one’s place in life, circumstances, etc. When my father left my mother, after 30 years of marriage, she begin to change from the most selfless person I knew into the the most selfish person I knew.
Ironically, she actually came to Christ during this change, but she remained very selfish till she died. The reason mainly was that she became isolated - she stopped being social, ceased to have a life outside of home and work. When a person lives alone and is not very social, for any length of time - their world begins to revolve solely around themselves - it’s pretty natural.
Don’t get me wrong - it’s still definitely sin. My point is simply that we need to be aware of things in our lives that cause us to be accutely selfish - everyone has them.
Comment by nhe — May 17, 2006 @ 2:00 pm
There I go, killing BWS’s threads again…..I’m always doing that……I contribute, then crickets…..chirp…..sorry BWS’s!
Comment by nhe — May 18, 2006 @ 7:37 am
Not at all - not at all. I’da responded - but it’s not crickets that are making noise around here - it’s stomachs. At this poing 4 out of six have been - um- sick. Including me - with a lovely fever to go along with it… So worry not my friend. Tis good to see ya!
Comment by blestwithsons — May 18, 2006 @ 5:44 pm
Just wanted to say hi and that I am praying for you all. We have had so many stomach bugs this year - no fun! Praying all is well soon!!
Faith
Comment by Faith — May 19, 2006 @ 5:17 pm
I pray that all will be better soon. Poorly people = misery and tiredness.
A brilliant post by the way. We really can think we are so virtuous trying to study ourselves and down grade ourselves but you are so right. It is actually a form of self-love and a failure to trust in Christ. (don’t get me wrong, it is biblical to study our hearts but not the the nth degree).
It made me think of these words.
‘Turn your eyes upon Jesus
look full in HIs wonderful face
And the things of this earth will grow strangely dim
In the light of His glory and grace’
In other words yes, inspect yourself, but then turn back to look on Christ and all HIs marvellous attributes!
Comment by Susanna — May 20, 2006 @ 12:57 am
Hey girly - you have a great point there. But don’t we all suffer from that. If we take our eyes off of Jesus, we have the same sytoms (sp?). We look at our ‘neighbor’ and see what she has and “I want that too”.
Thank you for helping me to put my thinking cap on and contemplate about my own issues.
Have a blessed Sunday.
Living in His grace,
Comment by eph2810 — May 21, 2006 @ 9:44 am